Until the Last of Days
by xlovestory
Summary: If I close my eyes and block everything else out, I can still see her here. Sometimes I can escape. Most of the time I'm reminded. All of the time I'm haunted by the mistake I made. AH E/B.
1. Prologue: I'd Give Anything

_Until the Last of Days_

_Prologue_

_Written by: xlovestory_

_Chapter Published: 16/1/10_

----

Have you ever been in the position where you've lost the one you love?

The pain is excruciating, something similar to death, I would imagine. You watch the one you love walk away, close the door, and your thoughts turn immediately to whether you've said the wrong thing; whether you'll be forgiven; whether you'll see them again. Because, in that split second, when the click of the lock signifies the mistake you've made, you want to fix it.

Some people - the lucky ones - get that chance quicker than others.

_I've waited three months._

I've smiled, joked, and acted like the man I was before. But inside I'm melting from the burns that have been left all over my heart. And I can't hate her: I'm the one to blame. Completely. She's done nothing wrong. She simply wanted… for me to notice. For me to love her even in the times when I wanted to punch walls because of our arguments. She wanted me, all of me.

And I let her slip through my fingers.

All because of something I said.

I've never wanted to take something back as much as I do now. I can still remember, vividly, the way she'd looked at me when the words had poured from my mouth. I had torn her apart. I had said the exact words she'd always feared. I had broken her trust, and her heart.

I'd give anything to have her back… to love her again, in the way she deserves.

And if I ever get that chance, I won't be letting her down again.

* * *

Hello everyone! I'm back without a completely new story! ***SURPRISE*** I know I haven't written anything big in almost five months, but life has taken me away and turned _very_ hectic. Hopefully you'll enjoy this, though. It's fairly short story, no more than 12 chapters. The first - proper - chapter will be posted on Wednesday (20/1/10) and then from then on all updates will be on Saturdays.

So, even though this is just a prologue/snippet of what's to come, I'd appreciate it if you reviewed!

Bring on Wednesday!

-xlovestory


	2. Haunted By Mistakes

_Until The Last Of Days_

_Chapter One_

_Written by: xlovestory_

_Chapter Published: 20/1/10_

----

My fingers flex as they hover over the keyboard. I take a minute to contemplate how, even without thinking too hard, my fingers move in any direction I want them to. I shake my head. Other things should be occupying my mind, rather than how scientifically forward the human brain is. Other things, namely this report that my boss, Carlisle Cullen, wanted done in the hour. I worked hard for this job and this pay check, and nothing as insignificant as my idle ponderings would take it from me. He'd been kind enough letting me off as it is.

I glance upwards, taking in the world that surrounds me everyday. It isn't the vision I had when I was straight out of high school. I believed that I could do anything I set my mind to, and anything I wanted would come my way. How foolish my thoughts were when I look back at it now. I can't say it's been all bad, though I've had my fair share of disappointments and being hurt. I'm the top editor here at Cullen and Denali; a publishing firm in the heart of New York city. I make more money than most people make in a year, and I'm incredibly thankful for that. I'm a very lucky person. I'm thankful for anything, and anyone who comes my way now.

_I wish I had realised how lucky I had been before. Maybe then I wouldn't have thrown it away._

I look far across the mass of cubicles that surround the floor below mine. It reminds me of a time when I was sitting there, shuffling through the day drinking far too much coffee to keep me awake while reading God awful things which their authors called 'Novels'. It also reminds me that I've overcome that time - it was worth it when you found a diamond of a book that would make millions - and my very own office proves that. But it also means that I appreciate all the people below me, too. I know what they've gone through. Like I said, I'm lucky.

_Maybe my luck has run out…_

My eyes flicker left, noticing that the people from the warehouse had done more work since the last time I looked up. Almost everything was set in place now, with that leather chair sitting grandly behind that oak desk, ready to be filled by the newest addition to our esteemed team. Emmett McCarthy. Known for his smile complete with dimples, and aknack for finding needles in haystacks. It was also well acknowledged that his fiancé was Rosalie Hale - her father owned most of the car companies in the USA. I have no doubt that he'll become one of the critical members of our company.

A knock on the door makes me jump slightly in my seat and I try my best not to think anyone is watching as my cheeks begin to redden. A tear in my heart reopens and I push down the feelings that make me what to bring my lunch back up. _No more blushing, from anyone_. I minimize the document - emptier than it should be - and swing round in my chair, calling 'come in' softly.

Carlisle pops his head around the door and smiles at me; it's hard not to smile back.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything. Say… writing a report?" He asks, reminding me with his eyes that he has the power to take my job away.

I nod to reassure him. "Not at all, Mr Cullen. I assure you it's almost done."

He pushes the door open more and rubs his hands together. I notice another figure standing behind him. "That's what I like to hear!" He states with a glint in his eye. He moves to the side, showing me Emmett McCarthy's bulky frame.

Smile. **Check.**

Dimples. **Check.**

"Edward, I'd like you to meet Emmett who starts working today in the office next door. Emmett, this is Edward Masen. I'm sure that if you need anything he'll be able to help you." Carlisle looks at me again, wanting me to accept my new role of 'colleague'.

I paste on my lopsided smile and stand from the chair, hand outstretched to take his. He walks into the room, a quiet air of authority in his footsteps. His hand slots into mine, shaking strongly, yet with a friendliness that seems to exude from his every pore. In those few seconds I know where we stand with one another. My smile lengthens. I can tell I like this guy already.

'Of course, Mr Cullen. Emmett, if there's anything you need don't hesitate to knock on that wall." Emmett seems like my kind of guy, and plus, it's better to keep the boss on your good side.

Emmett's eyes twinkle as he replies. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind, Edward. Thanks."

We turn to Carlisle, standing in the doorway with a pleased look resting on his features. He nods, stating that he will be leaving now, and that leaves Emmett and I to settle into a friendship together. Emmett walks backwards slightly, gesturing with his hand to his office next door. "I'd better get back and see that everything I'd arranged is correct. You can never be too careful."

I nod, remembering my first day. Everything had to be perfect. With me, it still has to be perfect - I'm such a perfectionist, it sometimes ruins me. A searing pain rips through my chest when I'm reminded that I lost the one thing that was truly perfect. My eyes flit back to his and I can see he'd seen me grimace. I paste my easy smile on my face. _Automatic._ "Sure. That's fine.' I look through the clear glass wall. 'It looks great.' I look back at him, his body hovering near the doorway. 'Like I said, if you need anything, just shout. I'm sure you'll be getting some manuscripts to look at soon."

He shakes his head. 'No need. I brought some from my former company. I wasn't going to give away the jewels I'd found. And there was this one author: amazing, so talented, and so modest about it. I'm going help her make millions." When he spoke of the clients he loved you could see his enthusiasm. It made my respect for the guy grow infinitely.

My crooked grin lengthens as I wink. "That's the job."

Emmett chuckles once more, agreeing, and moves away, out the door and I watch his figure round the corner into his new flashy office. My eyes move over the whole level, glass making everything visible. I catch the eye of Mr Cullen, regretting it right away. His gaze bores into mine, and it's at these times when I'm sure he can read me like an open book. With reluctance I reopen the document and continue.

---

My eyes blur once again as I read over the document, finally finished. I hate mistakes, grammatical errors are the worst. They are easily corrected, and yet people still get them wrong. I proof read everything, and this document isn't different. But I'm exhausted now and my eyes are satisfyingly strained. I save the document again, print it and let the warm paper rest on my desk while I shrug into my coat and grab my briefcase. I take the paper, careful not to rumple and switch off the lights as I leave.

The halls are silent and empty. The darkness consumes me as I walk to the one room where the light is still on. The light shines through the window, lightly illuminating the door enough for me to read Carlisle Cullen on the door mark. I bend down, slotting the document through the small gap between the door and the floor, and turn quickly, fleeing down the hallway before Mr Cullen can talk to me about my day. He's a nice man, a forgiving man, a man that - when you're on his good side - can be kind and helpful. But sometimes I didn't want to talk.

Tonight, I didn't want to talk.

Somebody hates me.

My name echoes down to my figure, bouncing off the glass walls that glint from Carlisle's room lights. I stand still, closing my eyes tightly until I see stars, wishing that I'd been a little faster at my getaway. I sigh quietly, and turn around to see his expectant figure waiting outside his door. I walk back up to him, a ready smile on my lips. "Good evening, Sir."

He smiles in reply and for a moment I wonder how he can still look immaculate after a hard, tiring days work. "How are you tonight, Edward?" His question, to any other person, would seem normal, with no hidden agenda whatsoever. But to me, it's a completely different story.

I inwardly roll my eyes. "I'm fine, Sir. And yourself?"

His eyes harden slightly. "Cut the rubbish, Edward. You know what I'm talking about. It's after hours; I'm no longer your boss and you aren't my employee. I'm your friend, Edward, and I just want to check you're okay. If you'd seen yourself a few months ago you would be asking these questions regularly too."

I instantly feel guilty. He is trying to be friendly, and I am knocking down his attempts again and again. I have to learn to listen. I have to learn to be less selfish. I have to learn to think of others.

I wish I'd learnt these lessons earlier. I wouldn't be in this mess if I had.

I look down, watching Carlisle's shoes shine in the light. "My apologies, Carlisle. I find this particular subject… difficult to talk about. But to answer your question… I am feeling a little better. I'm learning to accept that I made a mistake, and that I'll never be able to make up for it." I look up at him again, my eyes trying to tell him that I want to go home.

I know he knows what I want, but he doesn't give it to me. His looks at me, sympathetically. "And… the nightmares?"

I close my eyes, willing the images away - the images that had returned last night. My teeth mash together, trying to take the pain away. I feel my shoulders tense. "They remain, Sir. Although, I think they are less frequent." I stop myself from saying any more. It wouldn't do to get too close to others.

_Closeness equals hurt. I hurt people. I disappoint people._

I look up and this time he lets me go home. He nods, telling me to have a pleasant evening. I return the sentiments, turning and quickening my step as I go down the hall to the stairs and out the door. I tug my jacket nearer to my body: it's cold tonight.

---

It takes me a while to get home, even though the subway is less crowded tonight. I walk through the mainly deserted streets, walking past street lamps and watching through windows as people get ready to go to bed. Eventually I reach my own house, right at the end of the street. I open the door and quickly step inside, glad to be out of the cold weather. It's too cold to be September. My keys scream as they hit the inside of the fruit bowl in my kitchen, empty from my unwillingness to shop. My bag thumps as it lands beside the sofa, and I toe my shoes off, feeling the soft carpet under my sock covered feet.

_If I close my eyes and block everything else out, I can still see her here._

My feet are heavy as I walk up the stairs. It seems more of a struggle every time. The lights are already off so I don't waste any more energy. My home both comforts and disturbs me. Here, I don't have to pretend to be okay; I can walk around like the lifeless person I know I am. _She was my life._ Here, I can see her everywhere. The office holds no connection to her, thankfully, or I'd have had to transfer.

Sometimes, I can escape.

Most of the time I'm reminded.

All of the time I'm haunted by the mistake I made.

My bedroom door opens and shows me the bed that still remains unmade from the night before. I slowly strip off my clothes, one article at a time. Then I let myself fall backwards onto the bed, rolling until my face is buried into the pillows.

_If I burrow far enough into the fluffy cotton, I can still smell her beautiful scent._

And there, lying, I drift away.

* * *

And chapter one is completed. To be honest, this is mainly just a chapter to set out the main details. If anyone was wondering, the parts in _italics_ are thoughts in his head - these will become a more prominent fixture as we delve deeper into this story.

Thank you to the people who took the time to review the prologue. It's hard to gain enthusiasm from readers when I've been away for months. So thank you.

And for this chapter, again, **any feedback is appreciated**. This story will really stretch me as I'm trying to write it almost completely in present tense!

_Saturday = another chapter._

-xlovestory.


	3. Searing Pain, Scorching Burns

_Until The Last Of Days_

_Chapter Two_

_Written By: xlovestory_

_Chapter Published: 23/1/2010_

**----**

_I stepped out of my house, ready to start my day, only to be drenched within minutes. Somewhere along the way I had forgotten my umbrella, so I quickly paid for a newspaper from the stand a few streets away and tried, unsuccessfully, to shelter under it, feeling it turn to mush under my fingers. I groaned in annoyance. I was happy today - actually happy on a Monday, and of course, something had to stamp that mood right out of me. I was at the end of my tether by the time I reached Starbucks. I reached for the door handle, chucking the soaking newspaper into the bin to my left before hopping inside._

_And straight into someone._

_At first I felt the pressure of another body up against my own, slightly bony in places, but fitting none the less. Then there was the moment of loss as the person stepped back in shock. And then there was the burning sensation._

_Coffee._

_Stiflingly hot coffee, running down my shirt: my new shirt. I closed my eyes quickly, fighting against the urge to shout various swear words at the person in front of me. I breathed deeply, trying to ignore the scorching pain in the centre of my chest where a burn was surely forming. My eyes flickered open, and drew up the length of a woman. Her eyes were wide as if she couldn't believe this had happened. The door to the shop opened behind me, cold air shooting inside and making her long blonde tresses blow backwards like a TV advert for special shampoo. Amongst the haze I was in I realised she was… pretty, in an obvious way. It had been a while…_

_For that reason, I forgot about shouting at her._

_I watched as her eyes finally snapped back into place. They went from the stain on my shirt to my face, lingering slightly, before going back to the stain. The look in her bright blue eyes changed from one of shock, to one of a witch, concocting something. I began to get weary. A glint in her irises formed, and a smile erupted over her features. Her hands shot out, patting my chest as if her fingers would absorb the moisture that was soaking my skin._

_She wanted to get me._

_And she was trying too hard._

_At first glance she looked like a normal woman, slightly clumsy, but lovely all the same. Now, in the space of a few moments, she had become a woman out to get her claws into me, and without even words she has given herself to me. She was mine for the taking, if I chose. Her hands lingered on my chest, a cheeky giggle escaping through her too white teeth. She was flirting, terribly. Actions speak louder than words. What I wouldn't give to start this morning again, but I'd settle for getting away from this woman. Quickly. Before she decided that the best solution was to take my shirt off._

_And then **she** appeared, and the vaguely appealing stranger in front of me was disregarded. There was no comparison between them. She was the epitome of beauty, and I had be caught in a trance without even knowing so. From the corner of my eye I watched the other, blonde woman turn her head to see what I was looking at, only to turn back around and scowl at me. But I couldn't find it in me to care. My eyes were glued. I started walking, registering slightly that I was almost to be served, and after a few moments I realised I was close enough to reach out and touch this mysteriously beautiful woman._

_I examined her from head to toe, the woman with blonde hair - which now looked tacky - escaping my mind for good. This woman's hair looked like it had been hand made for her head. Glossy chestnut, with a hint of red that I could only see because I was close enough - and God, did I want closer! Each strand wove in and out in a gorgeous, undone, mess of curls. It was flawless, and had that lovely 'just rolled out of bed look'. I mentally groaned._

_Her body was beautiful, with curves in all the right places. She looked as if she'd just walked out of a fashion magazine - tight fitting skinny jeans, with a long length white shirt hanging softly off her shoulders. She was partially hidden from view, but I could already tell that she was more beautiful than anything I'd ever seen before. It was torturous to be standing beside such a woman, and not be able to call her my own._

_**Cue for possessive mode.**_

_There was no escaping the fact that I wanted her - and I didn't even know her name. I hadn't seen her face yet, but if it was as gorgeous as the rest of her then in my eyes, this was a 'done deal'. In her eyes, it might be a different story. I doubted she even knew I was there, standing behind her and admiring her like a piece of art work in a gallery - so tempting to reach out and touch, but that 'do not touch' sign told you not to._

_"Sir? Sir? Can I help you?" A voice to my right called out. I almost growled in that direction - damn the fool that took me from gazing at this masterpiece!_

_I turned, ready to give a piece of my mind, but faltered when I saw it was an assistant, simply asking what I'd like to order. I shrugged myself out of my daze. "Sorry, uh… just my usual." I had dealt with Angela many times._

_Her smirk told me she'd caught me staring at the nameless woman. I rolled my eyes, and turned to look back at my latest favourite picture, only to be met by the most intimate, enthralling eyes I'd ever had the pleasure to look into. Deep brown that begged you to melt into a pile of goo. No need, my love, you've already got me under your spell._

_Her giggle made me snap backwards, and this seemed to make her laugh more. I'd never heard such a sound - but I wanted to hear it again… and again… and again. I watched as she shook her head, smiling and blushing profusely. There was no point denying the fact that I'd been caught. She knew very well that I'd been staring at her obvious beauty. She gave me another of the smiles that would haunt my dreams for nights to come before walking away, coffee cup in hand, and leaving the shop, tripping slightly on the cobbles outside. Just another trait that I'd learned about in the last few minutes, which made her even more endearing._

_"Sir? Your coffee…" I faintly heard behind me. Some part of my brain awoke at the sound, and my hand moved backwards from where it was lying on the counter top. I felt it connect with the rough, paper cup before it happened again. The cup tipped with the force of my hand, and_ the coffee splashed right onto my…

"Argh!" I cry as the hot liquid spills from the jug at the coffee machine. I feel it sear into my skin, tearing at the molecules, desperate to leave a burn. It stings, but doesn't hurt as much as the memories of that beautiful woman, which flash through my mind at the most inopportune times. I rush to the sink, turn on the cold tap and stick my hand under the flow, feeling instantly better. It aches, and the pain begins to fade, but never completely relents. It's like a strange turn of déjà vu for me. My eyes go to the floor, where the wood is splashed with coffee, no doubt turning into stains that'll stick and never come off. I mentally wince. I hate cleaning. It takes a few minutes to mop up the floor, but afterwards I sigh. At least it gave me something to do. I always feel so lost on a Saturday - I've got no-one to share it with now.

I place my hands on the table, watching my fingers stretch as they spread against the surface. I feel lost, unsure. It's an uncomfortable feeling; feeling like you should do something, anything to get out of the slump, but the energy doesn't come. I used to live for her. Now I live for work - the only place I can go where my mind isn't haunted by her image.

The doorbell startles me when it rings, echoing throughout the empty house. It sounds louder than it normally is, but then again, I notice every little detail now.

_I should have started doing that earlier._

My legs move on autopilot, and they reach the door quicker than I expect. I try to not jump to conclusions, hopes that will not turn out to be true. It will not be her behind that door. She will not have changed her mind and forgiven me for what I said. She will not be back - my heart aches as it does every time I relay that realisation to myself. My hand reaches out and clutches the handle, wrenching it open with more strength than I feel like I have.

It's Jasper, with Alice in tow.

They smile at me encouragingly, like a parent who believes their child really can ride their bike without stabilizers. They beg with their eyes for me to smile with them, but they know me too well and if I paste on that automatic 'I feel fine' smile they'll see right through it. So I make no move to rearrange my face. I simply stand aside and let them in. I'm not in the mood for visitors, but I can hardly push them away. I'm curious, for one thing, even though no questions will come from my lips, and they've been there for me. Through all of this.

As we move through my house I notice Alice is carrying shopping bags. She goes straight for the fridge, opens it, and sees there is nothing there. She turns to me. "What would you do without me, huh?' I smile slightly; a little curve at my lips, and it makes her eyes shine - she believes she is getting somewhere. In the distance I hear Jasper sink into the couch. She continues, "You know something? I woke up this morning and just knew that you needed shopping. God knows you spend all your hours at the office, and let me tell you - you're becoming a workaholic, and it isn't healthy, Edward. I know you're going through a hard time but, you know…"

I sink into one of the table's chairs, feeling the hard wood jag into my back. I have no energy to care. My head drops into my hands, my thumbs rubbing my eyes. "That's just it, Alice. I don't know. I have no clue, whatsoever. I just… I know I have to go somewhere, but there isn't any place I want to go that isn't… where she is."

A strong hand lands on my back, and feel Jasper's presence around me. He tries to comfort me. "Edward, I've known you for, what? Five years? That's a long time, and I've never seen you so… torn up. What happened, happened, and you can't take that back, no matter how much you want to."

"You have no idea how much I want to go back to the way things were, and take back what I said. I'd never seen so much pain evident on someone's face before. I'd even go back to the end, when we were fighting more than ever." And I know that's the truth. I'd go back to the worst times in our relationship if it was the only way to be in a relationship with her again.

"I think…" Alice begins, then drags off, her eyes distant for a moment. They return back to my own, a pondering there somewhere, seeking something. Her hands knot. "I think… if she let herself heal… she'd say the same thing."

I lean forward visibly. I always act like this, whenever Alice mentions her. I am hungry for more information, partly because I know I'll never get it myself. I sometimes wonder what I'd do if Alice didn't work with Bella. My eyes tell her all she needs to know, all my questions that I can't make myself say without feeling the pain. Alice answers them for me. "She's coping alright, Edward. Working harder than ever, like someone else I know…' She half smiles. 'She's getting somewhere, her first draft has been taken in by an editor in the city. But she's still not the same person I knew when she was with you."

And that gives me the most hope I've had in a long while.

* * *

This story will be written mainly from the present time, but as you see, I'm incorporating flash backs into this, trying to make it seems as though the thoughts come into Edward's head as he does specific things. I hope I put that across well enough. It's a large part of this story. As it's from Edward's POV, we won't be meeting Bella until later, but never fear - she's coming soon. And she won't be as forgiving as she was in New Moon...

Once again, thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter; it's nice to know what you thought of it and where you think things are going.

**As always, more reviews are lovely. (:**

Next update = Saturday, 30/1/2010!

-xlovestory


	4. Meet And Shake Hands

_Until The Last Of Days_

_Chapter Three_

_Written by: xlovestory_

_Chapter published: 31/1/10_

----

I try my hardest to concentrate, and that had been something I was always good at. If something was bothering me, but I had a task to do, I was usually able to push it from my mind to get on to the task at hand. But not today. Today I was more of a mess than usual. It was Monday, and that was the day that I found it hardest to place myself back into a routine. I'd had the entire weekend to ponder everything that went wrong; to lock myself away and mourn what I lost. That made Monday the hardest. To put away all the thoughts. To focus.

The manuscript in my hand was the final draft. It was ready to be published: sent out into the world for harsh judgements, and claps on the back – you could never truly be sure what the reaction would be. This felt like a good story. I'd read it many times before and could almost recite the first chapter. Maybe that was why my enthusiasm was lost. I'd read this a million times. But, I remind myself, this is the last time I'll have to read this thing, so I suck it up and proof read again. Or, at least, try.

"Edward!" I almost jump out my seat at the sudden intrusion of noise. My back snaps up from where I was slouching and I suppress a groan at the ache that forms. When my eyes follow the sound I can feel my shoulders slump.

_Tanya Denali._

She was round for her weekly call. She came in every Monday, flying in from LA to see her father - the other manager, apart from Carlisle Cullen. She could spot her coming a mile away. She was pretty, as I'd thought the first time I'd officially met her, which wasn't under the best of circumstances. Blonde hair. Fake body parts. Long, supermodel legs.

Thinks being clumsy is a way of flirting.

I paste on that automatic smile and watch her eyes widen and sparkle with a new enthusiasm for setting me in her trap. Still, I continue to be polite, even though I'd rather hide under my desk until she walked away. She knew I wasn't in the mood to talk, and hadn't been for the last four months. Keeping her happy equalled me staying in a job. "What can I do for you, Tanya?"

She steps further into the office, closing the glass door behind her with one of the heels on her feet. She sighs, looking up at me under her eyelashes, which were coated to the brim with mascara. She giggles, and my insides quiver, disturbed. "Oh, Edward. I wish you'd do lots of things." I visibly rolled my eyes at her, and she, thankfully takes the hint. "But I know that won't happen - at least not yet, anyway." She adds with a smile. "I just came to bring you coffee."

She comes to stand in front of my desk and I inch backwards in my chair. I cough. "Uh, thanks. Put it just there, and try not to spill it this time." Tanya had been the one that had ruined my shirt that morning, and I'd never trusted her with a cup ever since. It was a stupid thought, but I wouldn't put it past her to put some sort of love potion in it. That's why, after she left, this cup would go down the sink.

She reaches over a shoves my shoulder flirtatiously. "That was one time, Edward." She sits down at the chair in front of my desk before I can give her an excuse to leave. "So anyway. I have something to ask you." I mentally freeze. _Please don't be a marriage proposal._ "I've got this state fair to go to this Saturday, and I need a date. I immediately thought of you because, well, you are always free on Saturdays - I presume. And you'll look hottest beside me for the pictures." Yet another reason why I could never be with a girl like Tanya. She pushed, pushed, pushed. "So, will you go?"

I look down, biding my time to let her down. Different excuses flow into my brain and I try to find one that's plausible. I return back to her awaiting, hopeful face. "I'm sorry, I actually do have plans this weekend. I'm going to dinner with Jasper and Alice."

She pouts, her brain ticking away to form another plan that involves me and her. Together. "Oh. Well, maybe I could join you. I won't be any trouble."

I shake my head. "Tanya, I… don't think so."

She huffs, her arms crossed like an unsatisfied toddler. "Come on Edward! How many times do I have to ask you out before you agree? Can't you see that I'm trying here?!"

_Yes, I can definitely see that Tanya. I can see you trying too, damn, hard. Get it through your small head that I don't want you. I don't want anyone, except the one I lost._ "Look, I'm sorry. I just… don't want to date… anyone at the moment."

She glares at me with angry eyes, reminding me of the time I walked away without a word the first time I met her. She bites the inside of her cheek, sizing me up to see if she could make me change my mind. She knows I won't budge. With a growl-like sound she gets up from the chair, pushing it back roughly before walking to the door. She turns before it slams. "When you get over that girl, call me. She wasn't good enough for you anyway."

Once she is out of sight I let my head fall into my hands. Tanya had it completely wrong.

I hadn't been good enough for her.

----

I watch as the black liquid leaves the rim of the cup, jumping overboard into the large white sink, ending its life by swirling down the drain. It stains slightly, so I flick the water from the tap onto the residue, watching it wash itself away. Water - so therapeutic. It calms me, sooths me. It is something to think about that doesn't really lead me back to her.

A soft knock on the door sounds, and I turn, knowing that at least this time it won't be Tanya back with another plan to seduce me. I am met with the friendly face of Emmett, smiling at me, complete with dimples. I wave him in, set the cup on the small counter, and sit down at my desk again.

"I see you managed to push the wrong buttons of Barbie earlier." He remarks, settling down in the chair that 'Barbie' had occupied hours before. The smirk in his voice is evident.

I shake my head, pointing at him. "Don't laugh. You never know who the next victim will be…" I drag off, hoping that he is squirming in the chair.

He rolls his eyes playfully at my words. His hand makes a sweeping motion. "Nah, she won't go for a muscled man like me. You're her type. Plus, I'm attached, and the vibe I get from her isn't of one that steals men from other woman."

My eyes widen at his conclusion. I close down the document I was looking at, while I reply, "I wouldn't be so sure of that, Emmett."

He waves my comment away again. Then he moves closer, leaning on the desk. "You, on the other hand, are completely available, no matter how reluctant you are. So, there you have it; you're a prime target. A single man, who's making her work."

I shrug. "She'll be working for a long time yet, then, if that's what she thinks this game is. I'd rather she just leave me alone. I don't want to start a relationship right now."

He is quiet for a second, analysing me. It makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. His hands meld into one of his lap, and his eyes turn soft, knowing. "No… you're just mourning for a relationship that's already ended."

I stare up at him, amazed that he'd only known me for a few days and already had me figured out. He laughs lightly at my expression, and then gestures to his head. "I ain't just a pretty face, you know."

I smile slightly - his easy going attitude is hard to ignore. It's the first almost-proper smile I've given anyone in a while. "Clearly." I reply. I lean back in my chair, ready for a change of topic. "So, anyway. How are your clients so far? Do they mind being transferred?"

He shrugs. "Some of them are alright with it, others aren't. Most actually live closer to New York than LA, so it's better for us both. Others are less than pleased. And then there are people who realise that this is possibly the only shot they'll get at being published, and they're moving here. It's a mixed bag."

I nod. "Sounds like it. Are there any gems that I should be worried about? You know… cause I am hoping to be promoted, and if you've got the next best seller…"

He laughs that contagious laugh, and grins back at me. "You'll just have to wait and see, Edward.' I sigh loudly. He chuckles, 'There is this one woman who submitted her first novel to me three months ago. It needed a bit of work, as most first novels do, but the backbones for this one where amazing. She just had… such a vision. Such a clear view of where she wanted the novel to go, and she wasn't just taking any suggestions that we gave her; it was her ideas combined._ Her name's Isabella…_

_"Her name's Isabella, but she prefers Bella for short, and she is so talented, Edward, seriously. And when you meet her you will be blown away by her. She's just so sweet and outgoing, but shy at the same time. Her fashion sense needs a little work, but after that she'll be a star, Edward, a star. I really think we're going to be best friend, Bella and I. I can just feel it."_

_I rolled my eyes at my over-excited friend. When she started talking, she simply never stopped. I felt like I'd been standing in this same spot, listening to Alice talk my ear off for days. She was almost bouncing with excitement. I began to wonder where Jasper had escaped to. I smiled at her, wondering where she gets this energy from. "That's great Alice. I'm sure you'll be great friends. And it's great that you're actually connected work-wise to someone you **like** this time."_

_She giggled. "I know, right? I still, to this day, don't understand why I ever agreed to work with Victoria. She was awful. But Bella, she is the complete opposite. Wait until you meet her; she'll blow you away. She is that good." She repeated._

_I nodded, trying my hardest not to laugh at her enthusiasm. If I was this Bella, I'd be running away as soon as I'd met Alice. I still don't know how Jasper manages to live with her. She'd be a constant headache, no matter how lovely she was when you really get to know her._

_A few minutes later, once Jasper had returned with another bottle of wine for the dinner party we were having, Alice began clapping her hands. She almost squealed. I looked at her as if she had two heads. She turned to us both, smiling greatly. "She's here."_

_Alice pointed in her direction before taking off to greet her. Automatically, almost magnetically, my head was following the direction of Alice's finger, and headed straight, smack bang, into her._

_Glossy brown hair._

_Gorgeous body._

_Beautiful… **Bella.**_

_I was just as enraptured as I had been three weeks ago, bumping into her at Starbucks, leaving my boss' daughter hanging (oops?). And now she was here again, and it was as if fate was telling me to introduce myself, this time properly._

_So that's what I did. I left Jasper standing there and headed towards Alice and her new friend. She eyes met mine as I reached them both, recognition lighting up in those glistening brown orbs. She smiled, slightly shy, blushing. I outstretched my hand. "Edward," I announced, giving her my best smile._

_Her eyelashes fluttered slightly before she replied, her voice making me melt like it had the first time. "Bella." She replied, and I hoped she too felt the tingle of her hand touching mine. She giggled. 'It's nice to meet you… without coffee down your shirt, this time…_

_"…go very far._ I believe she has so much potential." I faintly heard him pause. "Edward?"

I blink rapidly and gulp down the ache in my heart , restrain the tears in my eyes. I shake her image out of my head. "Sorry. I blanked out."

He eyes me, then shakes his head slightly. "She must have been some girl." He whispers.

She was.

_She is._

* * *

This chapter would've been up earlier if it hadn't been for the fact that the FF uploader was doing weird things and wouldn't accept my document. But, it's finally working now so I won't complain. School is being horrible and I'm having to work harder than I ever have before to stay on top of everything. With that said, I'll be a little slower with the updates. This story should be ten chapters long, and I've written seven out of ten, so I'm just going to find the time to finish it. (:

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far. I love knowing what you all think. **Can I have some more? :D**

-xlovestory


	5. The Scent Cocoons Me

_Until the Last of Days_

_Chapter Four_

_Written by: xlovestory_

_Chapter published: 19/02/2010_

----

I walk out of my office, into the corridor, feeling the slight chill run through me and down my spine. I shiver. I tentatively pull my suit jacket closer to me while continuing to walk down the corridor, on my way to Mr Cullen's office - it was a route I was very familiar with. My mind wanders as I move, weaving through different ideas and concepts as my feet pad softly across the carpeted floors. I rub my eye with one hand, feeling the slight itch fade away. I stifle a yawn; my sleep patterns had yet to go back to normal.

Before I had met her, I'd been fine. Life had been good, and I had known that nothing was out of place. I had no feeling of… emptiness, because I believed that there was nothing to fill. Then, she'd walked into my life and shown me just how it could be. I realised then, that the life I had been leading was nothing compared to the life I shared with her. Because that was what I was doing - I was sharing everything, my life, my secrets, my soul with her. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced; sharing my life with someone was uplifting, and knowing that she was always there to tell everything to. I never admitted it, but that was one of the things I enjoyed most: the closeness, and 'never feeling lonely'.

_Now, that's all I feel._

After the… incident, I had imagined that, in the case of having to live alone again without her (because I'd always imagined her returning, or myself trying to gain her trust again), that everything would return to how it had been before. But it was nothing like that… nothing at all. Before I was blind, with her I was able to see, and now all I was left with was the reminders of what had been. She completed me, and now I am nothing. Just a shell. I cannot sleep for the nightmares and dreams I have of her. I find eating hard because eating alone is unappealing. Just getting up in the morning is a struggle, because I know that when I open my eyes she won't be there like she is when I'm asleep. I'd rather remain having nightmares if that is the only way of seeing her again, albeit in another world.

My thoughts disappear as I stop outside Carlisle's office. I knock, waiting a few seconds and hearing the signal to enter. I open the door, walk inside and close the door behind me. Carlisle was waiting for me, sitting behind his desk. I offer him a small smile before sitting down opposite him. He says nothing. He simply looks at me; tries to read me. I express nothing. His eyes search mine, and I give him nothing.

Apparently, that was exactly what he was looking for.

He sighs, running one hand through his hair before clasping his hands together and resting his chin on them, held up by his elbows on his desk. "Edward… what are we going to do with you?"

His words make panic set into my body. I realise, in this split second, that this is the first time I've ever felt anything close to adrenaline in months. I'd felt nothing but depression. Those thoughts disappear quickly and I look at him, begging him to explain his meaning. He just looks at me, leaving me to ask the questions. "Sir, I - I have no idea what you're talking about. Have I done something wrong? If I have, please, tell me what it is and I'll fix it. Promptly, Sir."

His hand rises and his palm faces my face, telling me to stop babbling. I am silenced. A few moments pass, and they feel like years. I watch him turn to me again. "Edward… do not fret. I am not letting you go; you're one of my star workers and you've done nothing wrong." I feel the tenseness in my shoulders decrease rapidly. I sink into the chair, letting go of my rigid position. Relief floods through me. His voice echoes through my newly relaxed state. "I do, however, think you are losing your shine."

My eyes snap open at his words. I am not slipping up. I am working as I have always worked: efficiently, and hard. He sees the look I'm giving him and hastily corrects his statement. "You are, I see, taking my words the wrong way. What I mean, Edward is… I see that you are under a lot of strain at the moment. Rather, I know, because you have told me. I see you come in at ridiculous times in the morning - I can hardly talk; I'm here myself - and you look so… drained. You look physically strong, but emotionally weak. And I wonder if… it would be best for you… if, you took some time off."

I look down, now understanding. He sees more than I believe he does, or maybe I fool myself into thinking he doesn't notice. Everyone has noticed, and I know they have. I catch the stares, and see Emmett wondering if what he'll have to say will affect me as it did the first time. I didn't want everyone in the office to feel on edge. I wanted everything to go back to normal. I wanted to feel like I was acting normally; that there was nothing to make me feel the way I did.

But this job was the only thing keeping me alive.

Without it, I'd fall into a bigger hole than the one I was already in.

It kept me… sane.

I lean forward, my head bent to stop him being able to read me. My arms rest on my knees, and I draw in breath. "Mr Cullen… you know, partially, what has happened to me. You can see how it has affected me. You, and everyone else, can see that I'm a completely different person. But, believe me, Sir, I am trying my hardest to put myself together again."

His voice floats over me, and in my mind I can see his sympathetic expression. "Edward, I can see you're trying. Everyone can see that. You're trying your damn hardest. And it's… horrible to watch. It's horrible to see such a man - who was usually so upbeat - fall down like you have. You're suffering with all this guilt, loneliness, hurt. I just feel that maybe you'd heal quicker if you weren't under the extra stress that a job gives a person." I remain silent. He continues. "If you're worried about pay, you'd still get the money through and---"

"It's not about money, Mr Cullen. It's not about the stares I get in the corridors. It's not about anything but… Have you ever been in the situation where you've lost someone?" I lift my eyes… he hesitates, then nods. "You feel like you see them everywhere you turn?" I ask again and I watch as his eyes convey pain. I look down again, avoiding his questioning gaze. "She's everywhere, Sir. At home, in the street… everywhere. Except in this office." I lift my eyes again, pleading. "Please do not take away the only thing that is keeping me going."

After a few moments, he agrees.

----

I walk back to my office, numb. I had come too close to just giving up today, agreeing with Carlisle that time off would 'do the trick'. But I realise that this keeps me going, and without it I'd be nowhere. Carlisle had become a confident. He was easy to talk to, and without even noticing I could tell him everything without fear of it being spread around the office. He was becoming a friend… and that was something that I needed.

Suddenly, I stop. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and a familiar feeling floods through my chest. I stand stalk still, letting the aroma that I'd missed so much wrap around me, cocoon me. I sniff slightly and it completely takes control of my senses. _It smells like…_

_"Strawberry and freesia!" I announced this pride. I turned to Bella, sitting at my side, now slightly startled. She looked at me, silently asking what the hell I was talking about. I closed my eyes, embarrassment creeping over me. I chanced a look at her. "Strawberry and freesia. That's what you… smell like."_

_She giggled lightly, her cheeks turning that lovely shade of red, as they always did at the mention of a compliment in her favour. She looked at me from the corner of her eye, looking more beautiful that ever. I couldn't believe that I was going out on a fourth date with her. I had thought the chances of her calling me again, even the first time, would be slim, but apparently I'd done something right. Her smile was sweet. "Thank you." She whispered in reply. She smile grew. "It's strawberry shampoo." Her blush grew._

_We stopped at the lights, and I reached over, curling a lock of her glorious hair around my finger. Her breath was shaking, and I hoped that was a good sign. I let the strand fall away effortlessly, bouncing against her shoulder. I smiled at her. "Well… that's my new favourite scent."_

My eyes close, willing the painful memory away. It cuts into my heart like shards of glass tearing through flesh. I hate this feeling. I need a cure, and she is the only one who can fix it. The scent surrounds me still and I pry my eyes open quickly, feeling them flit around, desperate to try and locate the source of the smell I love.

They come up with nothing.

The feeling of disappointment cripples me, and I escape into the confines of my office before anyone can see me break down. It was inevitable. At one point of another, something directly connected to her would collide with me… and that would be it. I'd crumble.

_I am crumbling._

I fall into my chair, my head falling onto my desk. I ignore the slight pain that the impact gives me. Memories of her hit me from all sides of my brain. They come thick and fast, different occasions… different looks… anything. The pain is conquering me. I feel a tear run down my cheek and I see now that I am letting everything go. I'd built up an image that I was coping, when really, I wasn't. This was it; I was breaking down, and in the process letting everything out.

As the tear rolls down my cheek I turn my head to the side, resting carefully on the wood. I look into Emmett's office. He sits at his chair, smiling as he always did, laughing with a new novelist. A familiar laugh sounds and echoes off the glass. My eyes snap to the sound, resting on a woman… with brown hair. Shiny when the sun hits it. Glossy, like I could… run my fingers through it.

I sit up quickly, my eyes still locked on the figure which is making my heart beat increasingly fast. I notice Emmett, he raises his hand in greeting, and I can't find it in me to return it. She turns, her eyes on me. She smiles… until recognition lights up in her eyes and shock fills them completely.

**_I cant look away._**

**_It's Bella._**

* * *

Sorry for the long wait on this chapter. It had been already written - just the rough bones - and I finally had time today to rework out the kinks to make it presentable enough to post. I can feel the wheels beginning to roll on this project, and that excites me. I hope you'll continue to take this journey with me.

The only way I can improve my writing is if feedback is given. That button's just down there!

-xlovestory


	6. Close Enough To Touch

Until The Last Of Days

Chapter Five

Written by: xlovestory

Chapter published: 28/2/10

---

_Her eyes widened immensely, and I immediately knew I'd said the wrong thing. I cursed to myself. I'd known it was too soon. It's just… it made sense, and gosh - if anyone had ever loved anyone as much I loved her, they'd have done the same thing._

_When I looked up again, her eyes were just as shocked. I closed my eyes, scrunching them together. "Please, Bella. Say something… anything. The silence is worse than any rejection." The silence continued; the only thing I could here was Bella's increased breathing._

**_I'd known this was the wrong thing to do._**

_She released a breathy sigh. My eyes snapped back to hers. She opened her mouth, closed it again and then a few seconds later, opened once more. "I…uh, are you serious?" Her voice was quiet, lilting, with a sharp questioning edge. It was as if she thought we'd never make this step. As if she thought she didn't mean this much to me._

_I reached over the little coffee table between us, taking her small hand into mine. I threaded our fingers together, feeling the happy bubble grow inside of me at the simple gesture. I never thought I'd feel this way with anyone. I looked at her, hopefully conveying how much she meant to me through my eyes. "Bella… I love you. You must know that. And, it makes sense. I know we've only been dating eleven months but… I think we're ready."_

_Her eyes softened, and her thumb stroked my palm gently. "You… you really want me to move in with you?' She looked down, blushing. 'I know I seem hesitant but… I just, it seems surreal. I didn't think we'd do this so soon.' She shrugged. 'I guess it's not as soon as I think it is. That's just me and my commitment issues. But if you're sure? It would save me looking for an apartment." She acknowledged, nodding her head at her own thoughts._

_A small grin flitted over my features, and when I caught her eyes again I could tell she'd made her decision, one that made me incredibly happy. She slipped her hands out of mine and tiptoed round the coffee table, falling into my side and nuzzling her face into my neck. I sighed in contentment - this was the place I wanted to be. Always._

_She pressed a small kiss onto the skin of my neck before moving her head out and glancing around my living room with new eyes. Her hand trailed from my elbow to my wrist, wrapping her fingers around my own again. I squeezed gently. She hummed in agreement. This was a good thing to do. "I've always liked your house."_

_My smile widened as I looked down at her, shaking my head slightly. Confusion passed through her eyes and my other hand came around to cup her cheek, feeling the warmth I loved so much being soaked up through my fingers._

_"Our house," I corrected._

My eyes stay glued to hers, unable to move away. I'd always been a quick thinker, but apparently my brain wasn't willing to co-operate. It's Bella. She's standing in the other room, flesh and blood. After all this time of never thinking I'd see her again, of thinking she'd never be close enough to touch, she was mere metres away.

And suddenly my mind wasn't fast enough.

In the haze that was Bella, I didn't catch her. She blinks, erasing her thoughts of me before turning back to Emmett. From the side of her face I see her lips tremble, moving with speed I've never seen - or maybe I'm just not thinking straight. She's standing up, grabbing her bag from her side and heaving two heavy folders into her arms, quickly exiting the room. Her head stays down and I can't see her eyes. I can't read her. She's walking, tripping with every second step. Desperate to get away.

_And I can't let her do that._

_I won't let her go again. Not this time._

My legs move on their own accord - a different type of autopilot to the one that I've been on since she left my life. My hands shake as they push the door and out of the corner of my eye I see Emmett storming from his office, coming towards me. My head shifts, watching Bella run away from me, further and further, nearer and nearer to the corner.

I snap my head in Emmett's direction, a confused and slightly angry look on his usually smiling face. I place my hand out. "Please. I don't know what she's told you, and frankly I don't care. All I care about is catching up with her. Don't try and stop me."

I'm turning and running faster than I ever have in my life before he can reply. He is unimportant in comparison to the woman in front of me. She can hear my thundering footsteps along the hall and I see her speed up. I call her name, begging her to turn and listen to me. She ignores me. I call again, louder this time as I blank out the shocked stares of colleagues. Again, they mean nothing to me. Bella is all that matters; is all that has ever mattered.

She reaches the elevator, tapping her foot insistently as I get closer to her. I hear the 'bing' sound and curse as I realise that she's slipping away. She steps in, pressing any button blindly, and turns facing my direction. I call her name again, watching as the doors close in front of me. Her eyes meet mine for the first time in months and it knocks me backwards for a second. I'm so close; I could touch the steel casing of the box shielding Bella from me. But she stuns me. Her eyes had never been so guarded. And as the doors close I hear the first words she's said to me since the last time we were together.

"I have nothing to say to you." She mutters lowly, her voice completely monotone. No feeling whatsoever. It was like the life was sucked out of her. And I'd done that to her. I feel the guilt wash over me in vicious waves, each larger than the last. The doors bang closed and I've lost her face.

_She's gone._

_But not completely._

My legs begin to move again, striding towards the fire exit. I feel as if I'm in a movie, desperate to catch the woman walking away from me. And I don't care how cliché this looks: this is me trying to catch (and win back) the woman I love. She is simply gone… momentarily.

I fly down the stairs, careful not to fall over myself. In my mind's eye I see the elevator moving, Bella's face so distraught as each level wound away. If I strained my ears I could almost hear the movement of the elevator - and I wanted nothing more than to hear her voice again; I'd settle for screaming as long as it was coming from her beautiful mouth.

I reach the bottom of the stairs, panting fiercely, but making no move to slow down. As long as I don't go into cardiac arrest I'll be fine. My hand reaches out and wrenches backwards, the door screaming against the hinges as I fling it back. I ignore the sharp pain that moves up my bicep at the sudden strain - I've felt enough pain, however emotional it was, to know that this pain wouldn't hurt me as much as the woman in the elevator could. I swing around in the direction of the opening doors, watching as Bella's feet step out and continue walking at a fast pace across the hall floor.

I was out of breath and exhausted, but nothing could stop me now. I bounded towards her and pushed myself in front of her, effectively encasing her with no way of getting out. Her eyes snap towards mine, that same look of hurt and disgust shining back at me - where had the love in those orbs gone? I flinch at the glare she sends my way. But this time I stay glued to the spot. I watch as her eyes shift from side to side, her mind whirring with ways of escape. "Don't try it, Bella. I'll just run after you again."

This time she didn't grant me with a reply. I'd rather have had her harsh words than nothing at all - but then again, I was probably expecting too much. I stare at her for a few seconds more and I come, finally, to the conclusion that I'd been looking for. Everything had been such a blur up to this point, but now it was clear. Bella was here, a breath's distance away from me. This was what I wanted; a chance to explain, a chance for forgiveness. I take a deep breath, slowing my rapid heartbeat. "Can we talk?"

She lifts her head once more, her hair no longer curtaining her reactions from me. When she eventually replies her voice is the same - no feeling at all. "I've already told you. I've got nothing to say."

She side steps me, but my hand reaches out and grasps her wrist, softly but securely. I feel that familiar spark settle in my stomach and I can't help but notice the shiver that flows through Bella at our skin once again touching. I sigh dejectedly. "But I've got a lot to say, Bella."

She snorts; a sound I've missed dearly. "I think you've said quite enough. Or did you not get your feelings fully out there last time?"

My thumb moved, stroking her skin to try and calm her down, but all it seemed to be doing was stroking the fire within her. She is against me and anything I am going to say. It almost seems like it isn't worth trying, but I'll be damned if she doesn't hear at least one of the things I need to say. I desperately try pulling her closer to me, but she stays stubbornly in the same spot. I close my eyes, willing the words to come out as they were intended. "Listen, I have---"

"No.' She states demandingly. I am momentarily stunned. I admire this woman greatly, but this one side of her - the harder, tougher side - is new to me. It makes me love her even more. Those thoughts are tossed aside as I feel her wrench her arm out of my grip, stronger than I thought she could be. I look into her eyes again, seeing a new strength. Before, when we were happy, she'd often told me that I would dazzle her. But that was no more. She doesn't trust me anymore; the hurt that rings her eyes was proof of that. 'No.' I hear her repeat, the word pushing from her lips forcefully. 'I don't want to listen to you and whatever excuses you come up with to try and win me back. This time, there's nothing you can do. I won't be so easily jaded to think that what you say is true. You broke me. And you broke the trust that came along with our relationship.' Her eyes close as if she's reliving the pain. 'Please… let me go."

The one thing she wanted was the one thing I didn't want to give her - and believe me when I say I want to give her the world. But I'd hurt her so badly… and I felt that it was the least I could do. I see her eyes open, moist with tears she won't allow to be shed in front of me: I'm not worthy of them anymore. I never was. Bella… she's in a league of her own. And I'm nowhere close to being good enough. Her eyes beg with me to let her walk away. I'll do anything for her. So I nod my head, giving her the silent 'yes' she wanted.

"Thank you." She whispers, her voice catching on the last word. My head hangs down - I can't physically watch her walk away. It would only hurt more. I hear her footsteps measure and I drag my head up to stare in front of me. Amongst the heat of the moment we failed to notice the audience that had formed to watch our conversation. I looked away from the pitied glances; they didn't know the full story otherwise they wouldn't be looking at me like that. I don't deserve one ounce of that pity.

I turn my head to watch her feet disappear into the Ladies Toilet, and my eyes long to see her face just one more time; to hear her voice just once more. My feet move again, past the crowds and they stop outside the door. I look up at that cartoon drawing of a girl as if it'll give me all the answers I need… but it never will. My hand presses into the door, desperate to feel a connection with her again but all I feel is cool plastic.

Nothing… except a single, unfamiliar voice.

My ears strain to hear it.

"Wow… who broke your heart?" Whoever this woman was, she definitely wasn't a sensitive person. No doubt she was talking to _my_ Bella. I shake my head. I had no right to call her my own.

My head drops as her question registers in my head. All I can think is… me. I did.

* * *

So close, but yet so far. He'll keep trying, I promise. Things will all work out in the end; I feel I should at least give you a happy ending after what I did to Edward in My Beautiful Disaster. (:

Thank you so much for the reviews. **Again, feedback for the chapter would be greatly appreciated!**

-xlovestory


	7. Words From Others

_Until The Last of Days_

_Chapter Six_

_Written by: xlovestory_

_Chapter published: 14/03/2010_

---

All I can hear are her sobs. Great, wrenching sobs. The woman, still nameless, seems to "shhh" her gently, a far cry from the harshness of her previous question. I feel fear and guilt churn in my stomach, making me want to fall to my knees. I didn't want to make her cry - I'd hurt her enough.

I hadn't meant to. Not in the slightest.

I hear a thump land on the floor and I ponder as to whether it's the folders or their bodies. The sobs continue, and like a knife twisting in my heart, my own pain doesn't relent. It serves me right. I deserve the pain. Bella… she does not. I wait, my ear still pressed into the door, desperate to here every word. The people who had previously surrounded us were not trickling away, probably still curious as to why this man - whom they'd seen about the place often - needed to chase a woman down the halls… Or what I had done in the first place to make her not forgive me so easily. I was sure that, in the instance they did know what I had done, and the circumstances, they wouldn't be so impassive. The woman would probably be throwing shoes at me…

I press my ear closer, until the sound was as clear as it was going to be. The sobs were dying down now, and I could hear the woman telling Bella to breathe. Silence overtook the pair, while I waited impatiently for them to start talking again.

The nameless woman began talking again and I prayed she wouldn't be so tactless this time. She coughed in an embarrassed tone. "Sorry… I have no filter whatsoever. I'll try and keep my tongue in check."

Bella made a weak, laughing sound. I wince. She used to laugh boisterously, now look at what I had reduced her to. I could imagine her shrug. "Don't worry about it. I've had people walking on tenterhooks with me for the past four months on the subject. It was… refreshing."

The woman gave one bark of a laugh. "You're just placating me.' Silence overtook their conversation, all the while Bella's soft sniffs battered my ears. "I'm Rosalie… but everyone calls me Rose." Rosalie? Rosalie… The name sparks some sort of recollection, but I'm drowning in a Bella consumed guilt and I can't make out where I know her from. I roll the name over my tongue, letting it drift in and out of my conscious… until, finally, I realise. Emmett. Emmett's fiancé. And I remember.

They begin talking again. I can see their outstretched - in greeting - hands clasped together in my minds eye. "Bella." My heart's keeper announces. "And you would be right, you know. I'm such a mess."

Rosalie lets out a snort. "You think?" A tense moment follows, and in that moment I want to wretch the door from its hinges and slap the woman who even thought of acting sarcastic in a time like this. She coughs again. "Filter." She whispers, and Bella's quiet giggle settles me.

"Tell me something, Bella,' Rosalie asks and I hear various sharp clatters on the surface of the sinks. Make-up, no doubt. 'Do I need to find this man and give him a good kicking?"

Bella sighs dejectedly. "I don't think so. He's sorry, and I know he is. I just… can't forgive him so easily. I think he's got this delusional idea that he can ask for forgiveness and I'll just run right back into his arms. He's got to realise it just doesn't work that way."

Rosalie hums in approval. "Make him work for it."

"No,' Bella retreats. 'It's not like that at all. I just… I had trust issues before I met him and they've increased tenfold since he broke me."

There is a moment of silence and then Rosalie replies. "I've got time, if you need someone to listen."

And she does. She listens to every little detail of out relationship, and so do I. She gets told things that I had forgotten about. Tiny little fragments that made the whole picture so beautiful. Like the outing to the park where she saw a child on the swings. I remember imagining her belly, swollen with our child, and she's turned to me noticing my grin, to which I'd told her it was "nothing". Small, little things that can sometimes seem so insignificant. And now they seem like they are forgotten dreams. Bella spills her heart out to this stranger, and I listen, hearing every feeling that I provoked, until I can't take it anymore. The pain… the pain of knowing I had caused her so much pain in return. I sink to my knees and roll away from the door slightly, sitting with my back resting against the wall. I feel dizzy. Disorientated. And all I want is for Bella to hold me close.

From my position I find I can still hear their conversation, albeit a little quieter than it was before. The talking stops as Bella finishes the tale of our love story, and I'll admit that I'm thankful. Hearing it just makes me realise how much I have to make up for.

Rose makes unintelligible noises, as if she doesn't know what to say (I've got a feeling that she's never been rendered speechless before). "Wow…' Is all that she gives back to Bella for the moment. "Well… all I can say is that if you let him back into your heart, you've got courage that I'll never have. I hope things work out for you, Bella."

They say their goodbyes and because I feel physically drained I forget to move from my spot. It only registers in my brain as the door swings open. I look to my side, noticing the black stiletto, open toed with red nails peeking out. This is not Bella.

"Edward, is it?" Rosalie's voice is cold enough to freeze water. But I make no remark. I deserve this. I drag myself up from my position, and meet her eyes after a moment. I nod slowly. Her eyes sweep over me, seemingly noticing my lifeless eyes and broken expression. I think I see her eyes soften, but as soon as the emotion is there, it is gone again, and a hardness has replaced whatever was there before. "You've got a lot of explaining to do, Mister, if you even have a chance with Bella again. But… by the looks of it you're pretty worn out too.' She turns away, walking down the hall in the direction Bella and I came from, but not before muttering angrily… _"Fix it, Edward."_

_I threw the tool down to the ground, hearing it clang on the wooden floorboards. I gritted my teeth together to stop myself from yelling. It would do no-one any good. Especially not the couple upstairs with the teething baby. I turned to her. "That's what I've been trying to do for that last two hours, Bella."_

_She stood there, a wild look in her eyes. Her hands placed strategically on her hips, her hair a wild mess due to the housework she'd been doing. She closed her eyes, trying to control her anger as well. "Well then. What's wrong with it?" Her voice was clipped and I struggled not to snap back at her._

_"I don't know, okay?! I don't know. I've just… can you just leave me be, Bella. I'm just going to keep going and see…" I turned back to the blasted sink. It had been leaking for weeks. I'd given up my one day off to do this. And I didn't need Bella breathing down my throat while I did it, either._

_Bella let out a strangled laugh. "You've been working on it for the last four hours, Edward. It's quite obvious that you can't fix it. Let's just call up a workman and let him fix it." Her feet padded across the room towards the telephone._

_I swung around and pointed to the phone. "Don't. Phone. I'll fix it. I've almost got it…"_

_She placed one hand back on her hip, cocked her head to the side, and replied sarcastically. "You have, have you? Right then. Well… here's an idea… why don't I phone up a workman and you can tell him how you 'almost got there.'" Her fingers went along with the quotation and I could feel the anger bubbling inside me. I needed to get out of here before I said something I would regret._

_With al the strength I could muster I placed the tool back on the counter, silently. I turned to face the kitchen table and shrugged on my jumper again, all the while ignoring Bella's confused and curious gaze. I walked away, grabbing my car keys from the kitchen table as I went._

_I heard Bella's footsteps following me. "Where are you going?" She asked while I put on my jacket and walked towards the door._

_"Out. I need some air." I answered without turning around to face her. Always keeping my anger in check. My hands fisted tightly, the keys in my hand crushing into my skin, probably drawing blood. But in that moment I didn't care. I couldn't look at her without wanting to yell._

_The sound of the front door slamming back echoed as I walked to the car._

I blink, watching as Rosalie makes her way down the hall. I faintly hear water running in the bathroom she just exited, and briefly wonder whether I should go in and talk to Bella right now. I disregard that thought. Now is not the time. I need to give her space.

I give one last look at the bathroom door before turning and walking back in the direction I came, echoing Rosalie's footsteps. I walk in a daze, and nothing makes sense. As I walk back I feel the stares of colleagues boring into my back but I don't bother turning in reflex. I am running on power I never thought I had. It must be reserved for emergencies.

As I walk down the length of my corridor to my office my eyes glance in at Emmett's office, and spot him embracing Rosalie like his life depended on it. I manage, by accident, to catch his eye and for a moment I think I see sympathy. I duck my head down before the emotion can change to anger. I reach my office and step inside, only to find Carlisle sitting behind my desk. I stand, unsure of what to do. I look up at him, an unreadable look settling into his eyes. I clear my throat. "I need to go home, Sir."

Her hands clasp together and he nods. "Yes. I think that would be wise.' He pauses, watching my while I gather my stuff. "You may want to think about what I said earlier, Edward." He tells me, and I hear it clearly through the haze.

I turn to him awkwardly. "I would like to take the rest of the week off, Mr Cullen, but I assure you that I'll be back on Monday. And… I won't be making any more scenes. I shouldn't think."

The side of his mouth lifts up in an attempt not to give a full out smirk. He nods again. "Very well."

That's my cue to leave, so I do. I walk home asleep, but awake at the same time.

---

When I get home I shed off my jacket and scarf, letting them fall to the ground by the door, around where I put my briefcase. I leave them there, forgotten on the floor. I walk into the living room, unsure of what I'm trying to do. I end up sitting on the couch, staring as the little hand goes around the clock on my wall.

Eventually, I do something that has been floating in and out of my head since I saw Bella. I reach over, blindly searching for the phone with my fingers. They grasp it, pull it into my cupped hands and I type in a number I know off my heart.

I press the phone to my ear and hear the steady beat of the ringing tone. She answers.

"Alice, why didn't you tell me Bella was back in town?"

* * *

**Yep. Another chapter completed. I think there'll be 3-4 more chapters, depending on whether I feel an epilogue is necessary... I do like a bit of fluff, so maybe I will put one in. (:**

**School has been hectic so sorry for the long-awaited update. I usually like to have a few chapters written in advance, but I've only got the next chapter written fully. So... I don't know when I'll update next but it won't be too long.**

**Another thing: People, in their reviews, are thinking that he must have done something incredibly wrong to have been treated this way. Just remember, that even if he has done something wrong, even the little things can have a lasting effect... Not that he didn't do something terrible... I've said way too much already. :D**

**Also: Would any of you be interested in reading an Emmett/Rosalie story, or a Jasper/Alice story? Tell my in a review, please.**

**Thanks to all the reviews to far; can I have some more please? - they really do help me.**

**-xlovestory.**


	8. The Moment You Broke Me

_Until The Last of Days_

_Chapter Seven_

_Written by: xlovestory_

_Chapter published: 3/4/10_

---

Alice sits across from me, her hands wrapped around a cup that holds steaming coffee. Even the thought of coffee makes me feel sick. As does anything else that has a connection with her. My brain tells me that I have to fix this mess, and that's what I plan to do. But first, I need to know why Alice has hid this from me.

She sits and stares into the rim, watching the liquid swirl in the cup. I am losing patience, but I know that if I make one wrong move I'll be in the bad books of Jasper - my oldest friend - who is sitting in the living room, giving us time but no doubt listening in. I wouldn't bet against Alice inflicting pain on me either. You never got on the wrong side of Alice Whitlock. So, for that reason, and for the fact that she holds answers, I remain silent… albeit impatiently.

Her hands move, and I notice that they shake. She clears her throat before speaking. "I--I know I should have told you. I feel terrible, and believe me it wasn't easy for me to keep it from you. I just thought that… it was for the best."

This grated on my nerves. Was it not her who told me to wait, to give Bella time? Was it not her that told me to hope, even when I thought of giving up completely? My hands fisted. "How could it be the beset thing for me? You didn't have the right to do that, Alice. You have no idea."

The silence around us was suddenly filled with hate. After a few seconds I begin to hear Alice's laugh… condescending, evil, laugh. "I have no idea, do I? I have more of an idea than you know, Edward. I was the one that picked up the pieces after you left, Edward. I was the one that pushed her into a shower after four days of her staring at the door - the one you walked out of. I was the one that forced her to eat after she'd lost 10 pounds. And why had she lost that weight? I think it's pretty obvious considering that everything comes back to you." She spat at me, and I took it, because every word she said was the truth. "You know, Edward. I get it, I really do. You love her, you said the wrong thing, you're hurting and you have no idea how to get things back to the way they were. And I sympathise; I do. But don't you dare tell me that I don't know what I'm doing, when you've hardly given the best example yourself."

The sound of metal screeching across wooden floors is Alice scrambling to get out of her chair. She grabs her bag, pushes the cup of coffee into the middle of the table and begins to walk to the door. I look up as I hear another pair of footsteps coming in from the other room. Meeting Jasper's eyes I see the extent of the damage I have done. I have not only hurt the woman I love, but also the people around me. It has been selfish of me to think that the only people hurting was myself and Bella. His eyes told me of his disappointment, not only at the situation but also at the way I had treated Alice. His footsteps measure as he walked away.

Alice stands at the door, looking at me with upset eyes. Not for what had gone down, specifically, but for everything. "I didn't tell you because I knew that you needed more time to heal and gather yourself - even though your think you're ready now, you're really still a mess, and Bella deserves more than that. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to give you too much hope - she never talks to me about you anymore Edward; I think she's scared of facing you again. And I didn't tell you because I knew that you'd fly out that door without a single thought as to how to approach her. One wrong step and you'll be further back than forward."

I don't say anything as they close the door behind them. I let her words sink in… and then I realise.

I have done exactly what Alice had been trying to protect me from doing.

---

I wasn't sure what to expect when I walked into the office on Monday morning. For the first time since I worked there I felt unsure about how the day would unfold. Even on my first day I had a positive mindset, and I was sure that I would be able to impress Carlisle. But today, as I walked through the doors of the workplace I had joined five years ago, I was on edge.

I walk up to the front desk, as I do every day, and collect my keys and card. Lauren, the assistant who often liked to flirt with me, stares at me with curiosity as if I'm going to blow up any second. I give her a polite smile, knocking her out of her stupefied expression, and she quickly hands me what I need; step one completed.

As I take the lift upstairs I can feel all the eyes on me. I keep my head down, determined not to meet the stares of the colleagues who now think I'm mentally deranged. Either that or they're looking for any piece of gossip they can find on me: previous to last week I had kept myself to myself, and my problems to my chest, not letting on to anyone. Sure, I knew that they had sensed the change in me since I had left Bella, but no-one had said anything to me. Now, I would be recognised as the man who ran down the corridors, chasing after a woman who didn't want anything to do with him anymore. That thought left me hollow in the chest.

The doors ding at my stop and I step off quickly, walking straight ahead, not catching the eyes of anyone around me. They stop as they see me, slack-jawed with frenzied eyes. Wondering what I'll do next. I slip into my office and close the door behind me, blocking off the rest of the world.

I sink down into my chair, place my laptop bag onto my desk and finally look up at the corridor outside, through those glass walls which I've now decided I don't like. As people pass my office, they look inside, catch my eye and quickly look away again - afraid of what I'll say. It's an odd feeling, being the strange one. I never thought that would happen.

A sharp knock rattles the door and I shake my head, turning to see Carlisle. I give him a hint of a smile and he steps inside, closing the door and glaring at passers-by who look inside, making them scamper away in fear. Whether it's from Carlisle or myself, I'll never know. He doesn't say anything as he makes his way to the seat in front of my desk, sitting down, and looking directly at me: he's the first person that's had the nerve to do that this morning; he's a no nonsense sort of guy.

His head cocks to the side slightly. "… So that was Bella, was it?"

Her name stops my mind in it's tracks. My heart aches. I cough to cover up my reaction. "Uh… yes. That was Bella."

He looks at me, almost sympathetic. "And?"

"And…" I am confused. Does he expect some miracle to have happened during the weekend?

He shrugs. "Have you had a chance to talk to her again? Have you made amends?"

I shake my head. "I haven't talked to her since… I just wanted to give her some time. Plus, I don't have any way of contacting her except for going through my friend's girlfriend, and she doesn't like me right now… I doubt she'd want to talk to me, anyway."

He smiles slightly. "Well, you never know. Women are mysterious creatures." He laughs lightly, trying to create a better atmosphere; ward away the clouds that have settled over my head.

I mock gasp, playing along with his game (knowing full well that when he steps out of my office I'll be back to square one). "Now, Mr Cullen, what would Mrs Cullen say if you heard you?!"

He chuckles, before smiling softly at me. "She'd probably agree with me. And she'd tell you to wait around for the right time - if there is such a time - and that you'll know when to tell her what you feel, confess your wrongdoings and all that jazz. She'd do a much better job than me at this."

I chuckle in response. "Thank you." I whisper.

He leans over the desk and pats my shoulder once before getting off the chair and making his way to the door. "Of course, you do know that she'll be around here a lot more now that she is linked with Emmett. So just… tread carefully. I'd rather not have another mess to clear up at the end of the day." He left with a wink and an encouraging smile.

I let my head fall into my hands.

_It was going to be a long day._

---

My hands are aching from all the typing I have done. I'd had so much catch up work to do; my clients had left me many emails, wondering why I hadn't replied to them. I was fixing the mistakes I had made at work, while my mind was occupied by another mistake that I would force myself to fix.

I leant back in my chair, stretching out the muscles in my neck and relaxing for a second. My hands reached out and grasped my coffee cup, lifting it to my lips to take a large gulp - I blanched; it was now lukewarm. My eyes studied the work document in front of me, eyes feeling strained and tired. I was immersing myself in my work, trying to find anything to take my mind off of Bella. I didn't even let my eyes stray to Emmett's office for fear that I would see her and do something stupid - I was learning from what Alice had said.

_That was yet another thing I had to fix._

I sigh, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my palms. A timid knock at my door alerts me to another presence, and without looking up I call a soft 'come in'. I hear the door creak open, but not close, and I see a pair of feet standing timidly at my door.

My eyes snap up to the face of the girl, that at one point I had convinced myself I would never see again. I took in the image, wanting to erase the looks of rage and sadness I had seen last time. She is just as beautiful as before, a little less bright in the eyes, a little skinnier in the hips, but beautiful none the less. In that moment I try to convince myself that it wasn't my fault these changes had happened, but I know deep down it was. Whatever the outcome of our conversation, I know I won't easily forgive myself.

I clear my throat. "Bella,' I feel relief flow through me at her name on my lips. I beckon her in with my hand, trying to make her feel as comfortable as possible. I watch as her shoulders relax and she turns, closing the door behind her, walking slowly but surely towards me. She stops a few feet away from the chair, not willing to sit, but not leaving an alarming amount of space between us.

She looks up at me, her hair curtaining her face, using it as a shield. "Hello." She whispers, timid as a mouse. She is unsure, I can tell, of how to act around me now.

I smile slightly. "Hey… How are you?" I ask, simply trying to make some conversation.

She makes a noncommittal sound, shrugging her shoulders. "I'm alright. You? I haven't seen you here recently."

I clear my throat again; she makes me nervous, and I've got a feeling I make her nervous too. "Yeah… I took some time off. I didn't… want to disturb you anymore."

Her hand moves from dangling at her side to resting on the chair in front of the desk. Her hands were perfect, smooth and pale. It was her left hand, and in a strange way, as I eyed it I felt safer knowing that there was no engagement ring. I hadn't put one there (yet) and no-one else had tried either. It was a strange concept to be thinking about at that moment, but it was simply something I noticed.

Her eyes stay on mine as she replies. "You weren't disturbing me… I just wasn't expecting to see you. It was shock… I didn't know how to react.' She pauses, looking down and when our eyes met again sorrow fills those orbs. 'I'm sorry I was so harsh to you. I probably… I know there's things we have to say; I just didn't want to hear them… but I'm here now."

I felt more alive in that second than I had in months. Her words, though simple, were telling me that we could talk; try to communicate in a way that would leave us ready to be together again. Maybe she wouldn't want a relationship with me - and I'll admit that that thought hurt me - but I would take whatever I could, because anything was better than nothing with Bella. She was ready. I believe that I'm ready. And all we had to do was talk, sensibly, like adults. I was---

"Eddie, baby!"

My eyes stay on Bella's, watching as the emotions changed like a switch, from hope to sadness once again.

_This couldn't be happening._

"Long time, no talk, Hun! Where have you been hiding?" Tanya's laugh was cackling as she walked towards me, seemingly oblivious to Bella's presence. I don't comment on Tanya's questions, just begged with my eyes for Bella to understand that the pet names she gave me meant nothing.

But I knew, even as silence settled in the room, that it was a lost cause.

I grind my teeth before answering Tanya. "I haven't been hiding at all, Tanya. I had taken some time off. But, if you could kindly excuse us…" I gestured between Bella and I, and watched as recognition highlighted her eyes. She grimaced, biting her lip before muttering an apology.

And in a second the Bella that had been willing to try was gone, and the Bella I'd seen less than a week ago was back. The walls were up, protecting her again from me. I'd never felt so guilty. She waves my comment away, laughing lightly, but I can tell it's strained. "No, no. Don't worry about it. I won't disturb you when you've got visitors.' She nods her head between Tanya and I. 'Have a nice day, Edward. Tanya."

I stand up quickly, ignoring Tanya's startled gaze. "No! Bella, please… It isn't---"

"Edward, just don't. Just… forget I said anything. It's nothing. It's fine.' She continues to walk out of my life once again, leaving me feeling terrible, and annoyed at the person that once again got between us. First, it had been me, and now it was Tanya. My heart shatters again, so soon after it had been willing to co-operate. She opens the door, and hesitates, before turning and I see her tears before I hear her voice, choking on each word. "I can't… I can't keep doing this, Edward. You should have told me. I just wish… It's clear _you don't want me anymore._

_I watched as she eyes lost their shine right in front of me. I felt the pain, my heart shattering around me, but somewhere in my mind told me that this was what was supposed to happen. It was the right thing. I nodded in response. "We aren't in the same place as we used to be, Bella. We fight all the time. I just… I don't love you like I used to."_

_When she replied, her voice was hoarse with sadness. "You don't… love me?"_

_I looked above her head, not wanting to see her face as it became so distraught. I knew I would break if I did. I couldn't let myself back down. It was the right thing to do. "No. I don't want to be with you anymore."_

_I continued to stare at the wall. The silence wrapped around us, and it made our relationship shatter in front of our eyes. Her voice was broken. "Well, that changes things."_

I stare, dumfounded and hurt as she fires my words back at me. I look into her eyes, and know that she knew what she had said. I look for doubt, for worry about what she had said… but I don't find any. She had meant to say that, and it had hit the right spot. But I deserve it. I deserve it well and good.

She slams the door behind her and walks to the right, past my office and straight into Emmett's, who opens his arms to her and lets her fall into them. His eyes met mine, and I can't decipher the look. I close my eyes, crumbling into my seat, willing myself to fall into a hole in the floor.

I hear Tanya shuffle from foot to foot, and I don't bother to make conversation. I doubt I could speak politely in this case. "I, uh… I should probably go." She murmurs.

I nod, "Please do." I mutter, my voice only a whisper.

The door closes and I break down again.

* * *

**We have hit the climax of this short story, and to be honest with you, I'm quite anxious to know what you think of it. I'm not sure if it was as poignant as everyone thought it would be, and if it'll live up to everyone's expectations. The flashback was short, but I didn't feel it needed to be drawn out. It's quite... plain in a way, but everything will be explained in the next few chapters.**

**Thank you for sticking with me, and for all your reviews. They are all lovely. I'd appreciate some more if you feel like it. (:**

**-xlovestory.**


	9. Until The Last Of Days

_Until The Last of Days_

_Chapter Eight_

_Written by xlovestory_

_Chapter published: 16/4/2010_

---

Carlisle looks at me, trying to studying me with tired eyes. I momentarily wonder why he seems so stressed, and in the back of my mind I know the answer: Me. I've made this mess; I've disturbed the office, and even though I've tried to pretend I haven't heard, I know all about the worried phone calls from various writers we work with, all wondering what has been happening. That's what happens when one of the top editors gets into trouble - everyone ends up knowing about it. And, to tell you the truth, that isn't the thing that annoys me the most. It's the fact that they know, partly, what has happened to my life… what has happened with Bella.

My heart clenches as it does at every mention of her name, even after I let her slip through my fingers. I close my eyes, trying to make it seem nonchalant… like it isn't killing me, and then I hear Carlisle clear his throat and my eyes open again, to look into those tired ones which started the whole process. I shuffle slightly in my seat, waiting to hear why I've been called. It's always like this… awkward. I don't know where I stand with him, and he doesn't know how to act around a broken man.

"Did I ever tell you that I had a wife… before Esme?" Carlisle says, in no more than a whisper. I am startled. Of all the things that I had thought could have been said, I had never imagined delving into Carlisle's past.

I shuffle again in my seat, uncomfortable. I can't remember the last time I had a "heart-to-heart" with someone. And yet I'm sitting here, with one approaching, with a person I hardly know. But he has been with me through this whole ordeal, and he deserves this. And that is the only reason that keeps me from running.

_I'm trying not to run from everything anymore._

I shake my head, my voice sympathetic when I speak. "Uh… no, Sir."

For once he disregards the formality, and continues to tell me his story, evidently too caught up in the memories. "Yes… her name was Elizabeth, and I met her when I was living in Chicago. She lit up my entire world the day I met her… and I never knew how much she meant to me until she was gone.' His eyes met mine, trying to convey a message, and his lips turned up into a small smile. 'You know, your Bella reminds me of her in so many ways. She had a smile that made everyone smile with her, an infectious energy that only she possessed, and the ability to love anything, even if it doesn't feel it deserves such attention.' His eyes fall down to the desk again. 'But… it all ended when I became too engrossed in my work, and she felt she wasn't valued. I loved her, more than she'd ever know, but it just… fell apart. And Edward,' He ran his hand through his hair, clearly distressed. 'I never got to tell her how much I loved her because she died in a car accident."

The silence consumes the office, and I feel like I'm suffocating. I clear my throat. "I'm sorry, Sir." My voice is husky, and my mind runs riot, knowing exactly why he is telling me this story.

_And it's working._

His hands come around and he rests his chin on them. "I'm so glad I was allowed to love again… and I love Esme - couldn't live without the woman - but there is nothing that I regret more, than not telling Elizabeth how I felt, before she was never there again.' He looks right through me. 'If she were here right now, I'd tell her how sorry I was that I let what we had fall apart. I'd tell her how foolish I had been to think that she was less important, or maybe… that I thought she was better off without me.' He cocks his head to the side, and I bend my head in shame… he could read me so well. 'But most of all I'd tell her that I wish I could take those years back, and love her like she should have been loved… because we all make mistakes, and I could only learn from them if she was there to help guide me. Because I need her more than anything else in the world."

I look up at him, watching as he watches me. And I know exactly what trying to tell me. Because everything he had said was everything that he wanted to tell Bella. Bella, who was sitting in Emmett's office this very minute. Bella… who needed to be told these things, because I couldn't wait one more minute to have her in my arms again.

I stood up abruptly, making Carlisle jump, before he smiled and stuck out his hand for me to shake. I took it tightly. "Thank you." I reply to everything he's said. He'll never know how much he's helped me.

He shrugs. "Anytime." And I hear him chuckle as I leave the office in a hurry.

---

I am flying through the office, almost running along the corridors, in an attempt to get there as fast as I can. Almost no-one looks up; I'm the crazy guy that does stuff like this… I'm old news. And I'm running so fast that I almost collide into a old "friend".

Rosalie stands with her hands on her hips, her sarcastic tongue ready to be unleashed upon me. "Well, if it isn't Mr Fix-It."

I stop and turn to her, rolling my eyes. I stick on a fake smile, slightly out of breath. "Hello Rosalie. How are you this fine day?"

She glares at me. "Cut the crap. Have you had a chance to talk things out with Bella yet?" She strides towards me in yet another pair of heels - how do girls walk in those things? - and falls into step with me. It infuriates me that I'm not running, but I'm heading in the right direction. I sigh before replying. "I tried talking to her last week but things got messy."

It's her turn to roll her eyes. "Define 'messy', Edward."

We turn a corner, running into other employees which we shove, politely, out of the way. I roll out the tension in my shoulders. "The manager's daughter, who happens to like me more than I like her turned up just as I was about to talk to Bella. We were finally getting somewhere and she just bursts into the office. Now Bella has always been insecure and jumped to conclusions. And then she left to see your lovely fiancé. "

She sighs dramatically. "And you've waited a week to try and fix things again? Jeez, Edward. What are you doing? She's probably thinking that this woman is with you and that you want nothing to do with her now. The ball, as they say, is in your court!"

I feel my eyes widen. "She can't think that! That's why I was running to Emmett's office to try and talk to her now!"

She stops mid-step, her shoulders dropping. "Well, why the hell are you still walking with me? Go on! Go talk to her, for God's sake!"

I share a small, fleeting smile with the woman - whom Emmett assures me has a heart of gold underneath that exterior. I owed her a lot. Before over-analysing it I wrap my arms tightly around her, and feel her slowly relax into the embrace. I pull back, and she rolls her eyes before shoving me away, a smile on her lips. "Enough with the mush! Go to Bella!"

I don't need to be told twice and once again shoot off in the direction of Emmett's office. I don't stop until I am outside his door. I lean on the frame, feeling the cold glass on my fingertips as I watch her glide around his office as if she was at home. The movement takes me back to the day I was shown home videos by her mother and saw how many times she fell down or slipped as a child - she had grown into a beautiful woman. A woman who had captured my heart, and who's heart I had broken.

_I was here to make the pain go away._

I knock on the door before I can think of an excuse to walk away. I watch as both their heads snap up in my direction. Emmett looks shocked - I had spent most of the last week in my office staring at the walls - and Bella's eyes spark with hope, and what I think is love, before she drags her eyes away and settles them on the floor. She couldn't even bare to look at me, and that hurt more than anything I've ever experienced.

I open the door, staying in the frame because I haven't been invited in, and I doubt I ever would be. I clear my throat. I train my eyes on Bella's figure, begging her to look at me. "I… uh… I'd like to talk to you, Bella. Please." I wince internally, feeling so out of place and formal.

I see her shoulders tense and her body go rigid. Emmett looks at her, talking to her through his eyes, before he lifts his gaze to me. "Edward, we're actually in a very important meeting right now, so maybe---"

"Emmett!" Rosalie's harsh voice comes from behind me. Emmett's eyes snap up to hers and he stands, flushing and immediately looking guilty. I feel Rosalie move to my side and walk quickly past me. "You promised me lunch more than an hour ago. I feel like a trip to the Alto. You coming?"

He coughs, pausing to look at Bella. "Well, Honey, I was kind of in a meeting. And I don't want to feel like we are deserting Bella…"

Rosalie shakes her head. "But, Darling, this young man wanted to talk to her, and I'm sure it isn't just a five minute thing so we'll pop out to lunch and Bella will be here when we get back."

Emmett's resolve shatters around him and I have never been more thankful for Rosalie Hale's presence in my life. I watch as Emmett and Rosalie walked out of the office, both giving me meaningful glares for completely different reasons. Soon the room was empty apart from Bella and I… until she began to move.

She coughs slightly, bending down to grab her things. "Well, it's been lovely seeing you again, Edward, but do you think we could reschedule---"

I stand my ground. "No, Bella. We're going to talk this out now. I'm not letting you just walk away again."

She stands, rock solid and unmoving in the middle of the room. She lifts her head up to look at me, and I see something new, something indefinable in her eyes. Slowly she sets her bags down to the side of her chair again before turning to me and crossing her arms over her chest. A move that was no doubt her, trying to protect herself from me. "Well. What would you like to say?"

My hands dig into my pockets, and I look around the room for anything to set my eyes on. Anything but her and her hard gaze. My anxiety almost gets to me. "Well, I'd like to begin by saying that Tanya is absolutely nothing to me, despite the fact that she has tried to date me numerous times during the course of the last four months. I shoot her down at every attempt because…" I drag off, unsure if I can really put my heart on the line at this point in time.

Her voice lilts towards me, soft but sure; a far cry from the harsh tone I was expecting. "Because…" She tempts my eyes to look deep into hers, and begs my mouth to unpick the lock and tell all. In those few seconds I decide that putting my heart on the line is the only thing I can do; no pain can compare to the pain I had inflicted on the pair of us.

I hold her gaze, making sure she didn't drop her eyes from mine. "Because Tanya, or any other woman for that matter, can never hold a candle to you. You're it. For me."

I feel a strange sense of relief spread over me at the fact that I've now told her the truth. But I come shooting back down when I hear her laugh at the statement I had just made. I watch as her arms fold tighter around her slim body. "That wasn't what you were telling me before, Edward. No, I remember being told that you didn't love me like you used to, and that it'd be better if we weren't together anymore."

"And I lied, Bella. I lied, okay? I should have never said those things. Instead I should have been trying to work through our problems and stop fighting. And I wish I could say that I did those things, and that those were the things I had planned to do, but I didn't. I ran away. I lost your trust. And I don't know if you'll ever forgive me. But the one thing you must know is that everything I said was a lie. And you mean more to me than anything else in my life ever will."

Exhaustion sets over me; pouring out your soul can do that to you. I watch her closely, breaking into pieces as the doubt in her eyes settles in. She shakes her head. "You knew how much I doubted myself. You knew how insecure I was about our relationship. And I relied on you to hold us together. But then… then you go and lie, and you expect to just walk in here and tell me all of this. You're not being fair, Edward."

I sigh in frustration. "I know you did, and maybe that's part of the reason I feel so ashamed of what I did to us, Bella. I did the blackest thing, and I know I did. I completely betrayed your trust after promising to you that I wouldn't leave you. And if I could take it back I would---"

"It's a bit late for that now." She turns away from me and I can faintly see her shoulders start to shake - a sure sign that once again, I have made her cry. I try and ignore the instinct to go and comfort her, but before I know what is happening I'm moving across the floor until her shoulders tense when I am right behind me. She takes a shuddering breath. "Please. Don't." Her words are soft, her heart which had been in her words before now worn down.

She steps forward and sinks into the chair she had been sitting in before, her body folding as if it can't take the weight of this conversation anymore. I sink to the floor, taking the strain as well, and sit in a puddle by her feet, completely at her mercy. Anything she says, I will do. Even if she asks me to go and never come back; despite the pain, I would do that for her.

My throat is near to closing as I speak once more. "Tell me… tell me what to do, Bella."

She is silent for a long time but I know better than to interrupt her when she is thinking. She shakes her head again. "I don't know, Edward. I just don't know anymore."

I can feel my own sobs growing in volume and I struggle to keep them at bay. When I reply my voice is broken, causing her to look directly at me, glassy eyes and all. "I love you." is all I can say; it's all I have left, and I wonder if that'll be enough - sometimes it never is.

Her eyes bore into mine, and again I find myself unable to read her expression. Her hand comes out from the chair and moves towards my face at her feet, before she hesitates and lets it fall into her lap again. All I'm given is a whisper.

"I know you do."

---

It took a long time for me to move from that spot at her feet, and nothing else was said. After a while I moved, and surprisingly I didn't startle her. I stood by her said for a while, willing her to look up at me, to face this with me, but nothing happened. I ended up leaving the room, pressing a solid kiss to her forehead. I had gone back to my office and collected my things before signing out and ignoring the looks of Rosalie and Emmett as they came back into the building.

My house seems even emptier now, for some unknown reason. Maybe it's the fact that lately I've been dreaming of Bella still living here. And I know now that a dream is all that it'll ever be. I sit on the couch, staring at the wall opposite, and find my mind wandering over all the details of the past few days. Why had I decided to lie to her? Because I was scared of how our relationship had turned. I knew now that all relationships have their ups and downs and should have stuck with it; made it better with her. If I hadn't lied, if we had worked things out we would've been happy. The past four months had been a waste of pain and torture, for both of us.

I'm brought out of my thoughts by the sound of a key in the lock of my front door. I try and find it in me to be startled, try to get up and be on guard for an intruder, but I can't find the energy. The door swings open and I can here the sound of heels on the laminate flooring. Maybe they'll try and seduce me first before stealing all the goods.

"The keys stills works." My head swings around and my eyes take in Bella's form, rough around the edges from the late night wind and her eyes red rimmed - more beautiful than I can ever remember her being. She stands in the middle of the room and I can feel the awkward-ness flowing off her, wafting around the room, but she still doesn't look out of place. With her here it feels more like home than ever. And even though the tension in the room is thick, she seems to brighten the room.

I find the energy to stand from the couch, but make no move towards her. "Yes.' I answer, lacking in vocabulary. 'I never changed them. I guess I hoped that once day you'd find your way back here."

I watch as she makes the move, coming closer to me. She smiles faintly and shrugs her shoulders. "And here I am." She states with a dry laugh.

I clear my throat, feeling quite light headed from being so close to her. "Why… what are you doing here?"

She looks up at me through her eyelashes, trying to gauge my reaction. "A wise man of the name McCarty asked me if my heart broke all over again when you walked out of the room this afternoon, and the only answer I could give him was 'yes'. He then said that if I was in more pain when I wasn't near you, then it would be better to fix things and be together, than be apart.' She looks up at me, tears slowly dripping down her cheeks. 'And for me, being away from you for more time… it'd kill me."

The spark of hope lit within me and without knowing what I was doing I'd thrown my arms around her small body and was cradling her to me, vowing never to let go. She bends her head back and looks right up at me, a smile dangling gently from the edges of her mouth. "I know we have a lot to work through but… even with all our problems, I still love you. And I know I will **until the last of days**."

And as her lips collided with mine the only thought I had was:

_She is exactly right._

* * *

**This is the official last chapter (apart from the epilogue) of Until The Last Of Days. I hope you've enjoyed this story, even though I feel it isn't my best work. I will admit that this was more of a writing excerise, than a piece I was really into. I feel like UTLOD hasn't got as much... "oomph" as anything else I've written, but that's probably because I haven't been able to put my heart into the writing this time; there's just been too much going on. But, apart from that, I've enjoyed this ride, and want to _thank everyone who has taken it with me_.**

**The epilogue will be out some time in the next few weeks!**

**As for other stories, I've started writing a Rose & Emmett story called **_"Left My Heart In Seattle"_**. As soon as this story has the epilogue up and is fully completed, I'll be posting the prologue for that one. I have two ideas for Bella & Edward stories, one of which needs a little more working in my head before it can be written, so hopefully LMHIS will tide you over until then.**

**Reviews as absolutely wonderful. :D**

**-xlovestory.**


	10. Epilogue: Forever In Your Gratitude

_Until the Last of Days_

_Epilogue_

_Written by: xlovestory_

_Chapter published: 23/04/2010_

---

I sit at my desk, every now and then looking up at the clock to check if it was time to return home once more. Don't get me wrong; I love my job. I feel proud to now be working as co-manager with Carlisle, and can feel my work becoming better each and every day I sit in this desk. There was no longer any emptiness in my home. My home was full of life, and full of love. Hence why I couldn't return to that haven.

But alas, I am sitting in a last minute meeting with other executives from our company, with Carlisle at my side, trying to fight the urge to yawn - we're talking stats. I was in this business for the intellectual aspect, not the money portion. I didn't have to pretend to be listening for very much longer, however, as a few seconds later the men are standing from their chairs, having reached some agreement of which I had no clue what was about. I shrug internally. As long as I catch up with Carlisle at some point, it'll be fine. I give the other men a cheerful smile as they leave the office, and slump back into the chair, looking again at the clock.

_10 minutes to go._

I hear a small chuckle in my other ear, and look to Carlisle. He shakes his head. "You were paying lots of attention this afternoon, Edward…"

I feel my ears turn hot and my cheeks flush at being caught. I stutter, and he shrugs, shaking his head. "Don't worry about it. Leah will have the notes for the meeting.' Ah, Leah. My secretary. A godsend for days like this, even if she did have a bit of a vicious streak and a temper. I nod thankfully and he continues. "I used to be like that… still am a bit actually. That's what happens when suddenly work isn't the most important thing in your life."

I cough out a bit of a laugh. "Don't take this the wrong way, Carlisle, but it never really has been my top priority. I love my job, but other things… come first."

He smiles that knowing smile. "Talking of other things… how is that lovely wife of yours?"

'Wife?!' you might say. Yes, Bella is my wife and I couldn't be happier. I had finally seen the things I had done wrong, and had never doubted the love we shared again. It only make complications, and we've had enough of those in our relationship to last a lifetime. I had never been more thankful for Emmett's words of wisdom, and Bella's willingness to work through the problems we had. It had taken a few months to get back into the comfortable ways we had been before, but when we were in that place, it was like I'd never been stupid at all. We had got married a year after our fights, with our daughter Nessie coming along nine months after the honeymoon. My daughter was the light of my life - the person I never knew I could love so unconditionally (even now that she was experiencing the "four year old tantrums").. It was a beautiful experience, becoming a father, and I was ecstatic to say that I would be becoming a father for the second time in a few short months time.

I smile, the lights no doubt going off in my eyes. "She's great. Getting easily tired, and a little irritated but at least we've got a lifetime supply of pickles and chocolate in the fridge so she can't complain about not having her craving foods around anymore." I chuckle to myself. My wife's disgusting habits…

Carlisle wrinkles his nose. "Esme was sushi. The house smelt of raw fish for months."

I laugh, picking up my briefcase and packing away the papers that I hadn't looked at, at all this meeting. After putting everything away I give Carlisle a quick wave before walking to the door.

"Esme wanted me to invite you both to dinner on Saturday, if you can get a baby sitter for Nessie…" Carlisle calls after my form.

I turn, quickly thinking in my head of who was available to look after our daughter. I nod. "That sounds great, tell her thank you. We'll be there. It's about time Alice looked after Nessie. Her little girl Lizzy had been hounding her for ages to get Nessie to the house."

He smiles. "Great. I'll tell her and we'll arrange times tomorrow."

I nod before leaving and practically running to my car.

_I can't get home fast enough._

---

When I walk in the door that evening, after a half an hour drive into the outskirts to the house we bought when we knew that Nessie would be arriving, the house is freakishly quiet. It is usually a hive of activity, with Bella on the phone or cooking in the kitchen, and Nessie running around with her fairy wings on her back, trying desperately to fly - she hasn't quite got the sense of gravity yet. But tonight, as I opened the door, there was no flying, no cooking, none of Bella's sweet words to call me through to her in the kitchen.

I quickly put my briefcase down at the door, hang up my coat, and kick off my shoes before wandering through to the kitchen in search of either of the women in my life. I find the soup simmering on the stove, but no Bella to wrap my arms around. I walk through to the living room, slowly beginning to hear the sound of whimpering coming from the chair at the far end of the room. I lean against the door, looking at the heartbreaking sight in front of me; Nessie, cheeks wet with tears and her small mouth puckered with sadness, curling around Bella's (very pregnant) form, with our spaniel puppy, Jackson, resting at Bella's feet protectively. I watched as Bella stroked Nessie's hair, trying to calm her down while her sobs slowly subsided. She was eventually alerted to my presence, and spent a few seconds taking me in. Maybe she was thinking about how lucky she was to have me? I am definitely having those thoughts about her.

Eventually, she sweet voice sounds. "Hey." She whispers, afraid that the loud noises would make our daughter cry again.

I come forward, Nessie's green eyes peeking out at me from her curtain of hair. I cup Bella's cheek, lifting her head upwards for a kiss, before pressing my lips to Nessie's forehead while my other hand affectionately pats Jackson's soft head.

I look at Nessie lovingly. "What's wrong, sweetheart?" I curl my arms around her body and hoist her up onto my hip, cuddling her into me while she wraps her arms around my neck. I see Bella looking on at our interaction, her hand absentmindedly stroking her stomach that held the next addition to our family - the gender was still unknown, but I couldn't wait to find out.

My daughter refuses to tell me what was the matter, so Bella fills me in for her. She smiles while the words wrap around her tongue. "Nessie and Jacob had a bit of a fight today, and Nessie is worried that he won't want to be her friend anymore."

I share a short smile with my wife, knowing that even though it felt like it now, Nessie would go through much bigger, my difficult trials in her life. I turn to my daughter, feeling her peer up at me from her head's position in the crook of my neck. "What were you fighting about?"

Her eyes shine with unshed tears and it breaks my heart a little more. "He said my hair was funny." Her little confession makes me less likely to want to kill our friends Angela and Seth's child - he was normally a very sweet boy.

I run my hand through her gorgeous deep brown locks, knowing that I did this daily to Bella - her hair was just one more weakness of mine. "Honey, your hair is beautiful. All long and brown, like Mummy, and shiny. It's lovely. Jake probably didn't mean it."

Her lips pucker again. "But what if he did Daddy? He was really mean…"

I hold her closer to me. "You want to know something, Ness? When I was younger than I am now, I said some really naughty things to Mummy.' I heard her gasp a little, and my eyes drifted to Bella's. "And the next day, I was really sorry I said them. And look at us now, we're married." I try to reason with her.

She frowns. "I don't want to marry Jake. He's a smelly boy."

I see Bella trying to contain her giggles. "Well, I'm not saying you've got to marry him, I'm just saying that tomorrow, I bet Jake is sorry for what he said and you'll be friends again. We all make mistakes, sweetie."

She looks at me hard for a moment, and I look back, seeing the beautiful woman in my mind that she will grow into. Eventually she nods, rubbing her eyes to dry them, before that smile I love lights up her face. "Okay. I'm go play now."

I kiss her cheek. "Okay. We'll call you for dinner soon." I put her on the ground and watch as she runs away, through the door and up the stairs into her room. I turn back to my wife, seeing her gazing up at me, love in her eyes and I pray that that look never changes.

She smiles her gorgeous smile at me and I feel my heart beat a little faster. "You're so good with her. I'm a lucky lady to call myself your wife."

I give her my hand and help her up, my other hand resting on her stomach feeling the light kick that made my stomach flip each time. I shake my head. "On the contrary Mrs Masen, it is me who is lucky. You're the best woman I know. And I'll be forever in your gratitude for forgiving me for the stupid and mean things I did to you… I'm lucky to have married you."

She looked at me, twinkling eyes and all. "Yeah, well… just be glad you don't smell."

* * *

Just a silly little thing to finish this story off. I felt like I hadn't given them a big enough HEA at the end of the offical last chapters, so here's something to top it off. Thank you for all the support with UTLOD - every person who reads, every person who favourites/alerts, and every persson who reviews means a lot to me, so thank you.

If you haven't already, please put me on **author alert** so you can be notified of when my other stories are posted! I need to get a beta, but once that's started, I'll be posting my Rose & Emmett story!

**Thanks again, and if you'd like to review for the last time, I'd really appreciate it. (:**

-xlovestory.


	11. AN

**HELLO ALL READERS!**

It's been a while, but I'm finally back with a _proper_ story. I've tried my hand at a few things, but I think I was a little out of practice. However, with this venture, I hope to really get back into my "writing swing".

**NEW STORY: OBLIVIOUS.**

The first chapter has already been posted and it would mean the world to me if you'd pop on over there and take a look. I really appreciated all the support you gave me last time, and hope you'll do the same with this new story.

**Thank you!**

**-Alice (xlovestory).**


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